Flavor:
Marc de Champagne (Milk chocolate with champagne filling)
Sweetness: 0 out of 5
Yuck! Gross! Blech! I practically spit this one out the moment I opened the package (dramatic!). I don't really like alcohol flavor in chocolate, and I don't like champagne at all. So I suppose you could say that my relationship with this chocolate bar was doomed from the start. Nevertheless, I popped a square into my talking hole as a conciliatory gesture; an effort to preempt any ill-will between me and this chocolate. What a mistake. I should have tossed it out the window. The aroma is BAD, the flavor is BAD, the aftertaste is BAD. The chocolate is okay, but the filling is awful, and the whole thing is so sharply sweet it was like chewing on tacks. And there must be a lot of alcohol in there because it does that thing that alcohol does - it wafts up into your sinus cavity and stings. Bah! Fuck you Marc de Champagne!
Texture: 4 out of 5
Okay, so despite the fact that this bar is basically disgusting, I can't fault it's texture too much. The milk chocolate is soft, but not too soft. The champagne filling is a little too soft (boo) but at least it's not liquid (yay!). Liquid _whatever_ in chocolate usually bugs the crap out of me. So given all that, I'm bestowing upon this bar four points for texture. It should probably be three, but I'm feeling a little guilty since there are so many zeroes surrounding the four..
Devourability: 0 out of 5
I didn't even finish this one. I think I had two squares. Ew.
Frequency: 0 out of 5
Yeah.
Overall: 4 out of 20, but only because I'm a nice guy.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Ritter Sport Review #3
Flavor:
Pfefferminz (Dark chocolate with peppermint filling)
FULL DISCLOSURE: This is already one of my favorites.
Sweetness: 4 out of 5
Hot damn! The combination of dark chocolate and perfect peppermint delecticality makes for a near-perfect balance of sweetness. If I at too many squares at once, it would probably be too sweet; but one at a time, and it's like little squares of heaven.
Texture: 5 out of 5
The chocolate has exactly the right bite, and the peppermint is smooth as hell. It's minty perfection. It's refreshment times sixteen. I want to fuck this chocolate bar.
Devourability: 4 out of 5
Yep, this one didn't last too long, though like i said above, I can't eat it too fast. But that's really more of a beauty mark than a mole.
Frequency: 5 out of 5
I could eat this every day until the end of time, if only because it makes my pee smell like peppermint. Seriously.
Overall: 18 out of 20
Pfefferminz (Dark chocolate with peppermint filling)
FULL DISCLOSURE: This is already one of my favorites.
Sweetness: 4 out of 5
Hot damn! The combination of dark chocolate and perfect peppermint delecticality makes for a near-perfect balance of sweetness. If I at too many squares at once, it would probably be too sweet; but one at a time, and it's like little squares of heaven.
Texture: 5 out of 5
The chocolate has exactly the right bite, and the peppermint is smooth as hell. It's minty perfection. It's refreshment times sixteen. I want to fuck this chocolate bar.
Devourability: 4 out of 5
Yep, this one didn't last too long, though like i said above, I can't eat it too fast. But that's really more of a beauty mark than a mole.
Frequency: 5 out of 5
I could eat this every day until the end of time, if only because it makes my pee smell like peppermint. Seriously.
Overall: 18 out of 20
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Ritter Sport Review #2
Flavor:
Erdbeer Joghurt (milk chocolate with strawberry yogurt filling)
Sweetness: 3 out of 5
Wow, this mofo is sweet. The chocolate is sweet, the fruity filling is sweet, it's all just a tornado of sweetness stabbing me in the throat. Not as obnoxious as some cheap POS chocolate bar, but too sweet for me.
Texture: 4 out of 5
The chocolate is creamy, the yogurt is creamy, and the crispies are crispy. Crispies? Yes. What I thought were little rice crispies are in fact, according to Ricardo, who always seems to know about these kinds of things, dried strawberries. Clever! And a delightfully contrasty addition. I like. The whole thing feels light and Spring-y... though ironically, it's not part of the Spring collection.
Devourability: 2 out of 5
It's tasty, but a little too sweet for me to want to shove the whole thing in my gullet all at once. This one needs to be enjoyed in small bits over time.
Frequency: 1 out of 5
You know what doesn't belong in chocolate? Fruit. Here, they've done a nice job of putting together two things that don't go together... but still. No.
Overall: 10 out of 20
Yeah, this was a fun little trip into girly chocolate territory. But I'm ready to take off the dress and have a Halbbitter.
Erdbeer Joghurt (milk chocolate with strawberry yogurt filling)
Sweetness: 3 out of 5
Wow, this mofo is sweet. The chocolate is sweet, the fruity filling is sweet, it's all just a tornado of sweetness stabbing me in the throat. Not as obnoxious as some cheap POS chocolate bar, but too sweet for me.
Texture: 4 out of 5
The chocolate is creamy, the yogurt is creamy, and the crispies are crispy. Crispies? Yes. What I thought were little rice crispies are in fact, according to Ricardo, who always seems to know about these kinds of things, dried strawberries. Clever! And a delightfully contrasty addition. I like. The whole thing feels light and Spring-y... though ironically, it's not part of the Spring collection.
Devourability: 2 out of 5
It's tasty, but a little too sweet for me to want to shove the whole thing in my gullet all at once. This one needs to be enjoyed in small bits over time.
Frequency: 1 out of 5
You know what doesn't belong in chocolate? Fruit. Here, they've done a nice job of putting together two things that don't go together... but still. No.
Overall: 10 out of 20
Yeah, this was a fun little trip into girly chocolate territory. But I'm ready to take off the dress and have a Halbbitter.
Ritter Sport Review #1!
Flavor:
Mandelsplitter Bio (milk chocolate with chopped almonds, organic)
Sweetness: 4 out of 5
I'm really a dark chocolate guy, but I dig Ritter Sport's milk chocolate because it's not too sugary sweet (like Milka) and it tastes like real chocolate, and not like chocolate's plasticky cousin from LA who visits for the weekend to mess up your apartment and do drugs on your coffee table (like Hershey). So I'll give it a good sweetness rating because for milk chocolate, it's the right level of sweetocity.
Texture: 2 out of 5
This bugged me - the almonds are chopped too fine, and there are too many of them. Too many almonds! It was like having a mouth full of ground up wood (I've always found the almond to be the woodiest of nuts). The chocolate texture was perfect, though. Like I said, Ritter Sport does milk good.
Devourability: 3.5 out of 5
Despite the texture issues, once I started I couldn't stop. Maybe it's the mix of salty (the almonds, of course) and sweet (the chocolate, duh) that kept my fingers in a strict back and forth pattern. My half bar only lasted as long as it takes to walk from my office, downstairs, across the street, and up the elevator. About four minutes, I think.
Frequency: 2 out of 5
Yeah, I'm not going to be buying this one too often. Or ever, I think. But if you have one, I'll take a square or two. Thanks in advance!
Overall: 11.5 out of 20
I liked it, but it didn't change my life. It had a one thing going against it from the very beginning - that it's milk chocolate instead of dark. And adding almonds and making the whole thing organic just couldn't overcome that hurdle.
And here's a link to Shelley's review.
Mandelsplitter Bio (milk chocolate with chopped almonds, organic)
Sweetness: 4 out of 5
I'm really a dark chocolate guy, but I dig Ritter Sport's milk chocolate because it's not too sugary sweet (like Milka) and it tastes like real chocolate, and not like chocolate's plasticky cousin from LA who visits for the weekend to mess up your apartment and do drugs on your coffee table (like Hershey). So I'll give it a good sweetness rating because for milk chocolate, it's the right level of sweetocity.
Texture: 2 out of 5
This bugged me - the almonds are chopped too fine, and there are too many of them. Too many almonds! It was like having a mouth full of ground up wood (I've always found the almond to be the woodiest of nuts). The chocolate texture was perfect, though. Like I said, Ritter Sport does milk good.
Devourability: 3.5 out of 5
Despite the texture issues, once I started I couldn't stop. Maybe it's the mix of salty (the almonds, of course) and sweet (the chocolate, duh) that kept my fingers in a strict back and forth pattern. My half bar only lasted as long as it takes to walk from my office, downstairs, across the street, and up the elevator. About four minutes, I think.
Frequency: 2 out of 5
Yeah, I'm not going to be buying this one too often. Or ever, I think. But if you have one, I'll take a square or two. Thanks in advance!
Overall: 11.5 out of 20
I liked it, but it didn't change my life. It had a one thing going against it from the very beginning - that it's milk chocolate instead of dark. And adding almonds and making the whole thing organic just couldn't overcome that hurdle.
And here's a link to Shelley's review.
Monday, April 07, 2008
The Great Rittersport Challenge of 2008
I'm pleased to announce that both Shelley (fellow former MAS'er, current co-worker, long-time bad-ass) and I have decided to join together and take our love for all things sweet, more specifically our addiction to chocolate (the first step is admitting it to yourself), to the next level. Starting today (Monday), we are embarking upon our very own Ritter Sport Challenge. The goal (if you could really call it a goal) is to eat one Ritter Sport candy bar a day until we've tasted allannals the Ritter Sports that Ritter Sport currently offers. It's an undertaking that we're willing to... er... undertake because we love you, dear reader, and we want you to know what all the flavors are, if only vicariously through us. You're welcome.
But we're not just going to try each one, we're going to keep track so that each flavor will be properly (ha!) documented and entered into the annuls of human history as is befitting of such a righteous candy bar. Which is a fancy way of saying that I'm going to use this as an excuse to blog, and Shelley's going to sketch stuff with her superfly illustration skillz.
So if we're going to rate each bar, we need some sort of criteria, right? Right! We'll rate each one with the following criteria:
Sweetness. Is it sugary and sweet like someone from San Diego, or is it dark and bitter like a JvM employee?
Texture. What does the chocolate feel like in your mouth? How does it 'bite' and how does it melt? is it gooey or crunchy or both? And more importantly, do you like it that way?
Devourablility. Are you satisfied with a little nip every now and then? Or do you want to cram that motherfucker in your mouth as fast as possible?
Frequency. Is this the kinda thing you're going to eat everyday? Or is this a once-in-a-while, just-because-it's-Tuedsay sorta thing?
So each day, we'll try a flavor, write down what we think rate it with the criteria, and post it. In the end, we'll have something approaching a complete review of the entire Ritter Sport product line, which I think we can all agree has been needed for some time now.
And since this is a web-based endeavor, I've created a FAQ for your viewing pleasure; partly to answer any questions ya'll might have, and partly because I just think it's funny to have a FAQ containing questions that no one has actually asked; I just made them up completely. Irony alert!
FAQ:
So, you're just doing this so you can eat chocolate everyday and not feel bad about it right?
Yes. That and both Shelley and I share a genuine desire to taste all the different flavors RRitter Sport has to offer so that when we're with friends in the grocery store, and they ask if we've tried this flavor or that, we can say "Yeah, sure, I've tried that one" and dismiss it like some super hipster chocolate god.
Are the flavors really that different?
We're gonna find out. Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate, with/out nuts, fruity, alcoholly... there's a lot of flavors. And each package is a different color. Pretty!
Come on Dan, we all know you eat one Ritter Sport per day. Haven't you had all the flavors by now?
It's true, I eat them all the time. But I'm not just a gluttonous pig - I'm also a creature of habit. That means I've really only sampled a few flavors often enough to really form an opinion about them - Marzipan, Halbitter, Edel Bitter, Mousse au Chocolat, Pfefferminz are the ones I eat all the time. The rest are like Ringo Starr songs: I have an idea of what they'll be like, but I'm pretty sure I won't like them.
Well, how many flavors are there?
33! That's a lot!
Okay, we ordered (from Ritter Sports fab website http://Ritter Sport.de/) the Kennenlern-Paket (the "get acquainted package") which comes with the 19 standard flavors...
Voll Erdnuss (milk chocolate with whole peanuts)
Knusperflakes (milk chocolate with cornflakes)
Weisse Voll-Nuss (white chocolate with whole nuts)
Cappucino (milk chocolate with coffee flavor filling)
Voll-Nuss (milk chocolate with hazelnuts)
Knusperkeks (milk chocolate with caramel and a cookie)
Trauben Nuss (not sure what this one is)
Dunkel Voll-Nuss (dark chocolate with hazelnuts)
Halbbitter (bittersweet)
Rum Trauben Nuss (rum chocolate with nuts and raisins)
Marzipan (dark chocolate with marzipan filling)
Erdbeer Joghurt (milk chocolate with strawberry yogurt filling)
Edel-Bitter (dark chocolate - 71%)
Nugat (milk chocolate with nougat filling)
Vollmilch (whole milk milk chocoate)
Aplenmilch (milk chocolate made with milk from the Alps?)
Pfefferminz (dark chocolate with peppermint filling)
Dunkle Vollmilch (dark and milk chocolate)
Ganze Mandel (milk chocolate with almonds)
a la Mousse au Chocolat (dark chocolate with mousse filling)
Cocos (milk chocolate with coconut filling)
Joghurt (milk chocolate with plain yogurt filling)
Plus, there's the Frühlingssorten (the Spring assortment), which we're going to have to buy on our own.
Marc de Champagne Trüffel (champagne truffle)
Eierlikör Trüffel (egg nog truffle)
Ramazzoti Trüffel (Ramazzoti truffle)
And then there's the Diät (diet, of course) flavors, which we'll reluctantly try, and sneer at because if we were into this half-hearted lightweight low impact diet bullshit we probably wouldn't be doing this whole shindig in the first place.
Diät Vollmilch (milk chocolate)
Diät Nugat (milk chocolate with nougat)
Diät Joghurt (milk chocolate with plain yogurt)
Diät Halbbiter (dark chocolate)
Last but not least is the Bio selection. This is a recent addition to the Ritter Sport selection. "Bio" is German for organic and fair trade, so these are the Earth-friendly Ritter Sports, I suppose. Curiously, the bars are smaller (65g instead of 100g), and even curiously-er, Shelley seems to think that the Bio bars and the Diät bars are the same. Not so! New group. And here they are:
Mandelsplitter (milk chocolate and almonds)
Vollmilch (whole milk)
Trauben Cashew (still don't know)
Feinherb (dark chocolate)
So that's it for now! I look forward to posting a fresh new Ritter Sport review soon. Delicious!
But we're not just going to try each one, we're going to keep track so that each flavor will be properly (ha!) documented and entered into the annuls of human history as is befitting of such a righteous candy bar. Which is a fancy way of saying that I'm going to use this as an excuse to blog, and Shelley's going to sketch stuff with her superfly illustration skillz.
So if we're going to rate each bar, we need some sort of criteria, right? Right! We'll rate each one with the following criteria:
Sweetness. Is it sugary and sweet like someone from San Diego, or is it dark and bitter like a JvM employee?
Texture. What does the chocolate feel like in your mouth? How does it 'bite' and how does it melt? is it gooey or crunchy or both? And more importantly, do you like it that way?
Devourablility. Are you satisfied with a little nip every now and then? Or do you want to cram that motherfucker in your mouth as fast as possible?
Frequency. Is this the kinda thing you're going to eat everyday? Or is this a once-in-a-while, just-because-it's-Tuedsay sorta thing?
So each day, we'll try a flavor, write down what we think rate it with the criteria, and post it. In the end, we'll have something approaching a complete review of the entire Ritter Sport product line, which I think we can all agree has been needed for some time now.
And since this is a web-based endeavor, I've created a FAQ for your viewing pleasure; partly to answer any questions ya'll might have, and partly because I just think it's funny to have a FAQ containing questions that no one has actually asked; I just made them up completely. Irony alert!
FAQ:
So, you're just doing this so you can eat chocolate everyday and not feel bad about it right?
Yes. That and both Shelley and I share a genuine desire to taste all the different flavors RRitter Sport has to offer so that when we're with friends in the grocery store, and they ask if we've tried this flavor or that, we can say "Yeah, sure, I've tried that one" and dismiss it like some super hipster chocolate god.
Are the flavors really that different?
We're gonna find out. Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate, with/out nuts, fruity, alcoholly... there's a lot of flavors. And each package is a different color. Pretty!
Come on Dan, we all know you eat one Ritter Sport per day. Haven't you had all the flavors by now?
It's true, I eat them all the time. But I'm not just a gluttonous pig - I'm also a creature of habit. That means I've really only sampled a few flavors often enough to really form an opinion about them - Marzipan, Halbitter, Edel Bitter, Mousse au Chocolat, Pfefferminz are the ones I eat all the time. The rest are like Ringo Starr songs: I have an idea of what they'll be like, but I'm pretty sure I won't like them.
Well, how many flavors are there?
33! That's a lot!
Okay, we ordered (from Ritter Sports fab website http://Ritter Sport.de/) the Kennenlern-Paket (the "get acquainted package") which comes with the 19 standard flavors...
Voll Erdnuss (milk chocolate with whole peanuts)
Knusperflakes (milk chocolate with cornflakes)
Weisse Voll-Nuss (white chocolate with whole nuts)
Cappucino (milk chocolate with coffee flavor filling)
Voll-Nuss (milk chocolate with hazelnuts)
Knusperkeks (milk chocolate with caramel and a cookie)
Trauben Nuss (not sure what this one is)
Dunkel Voll-Nuss (dark chocolate with hazelnuts)
Halbbitter (bittersweet)
Rum Trauben Nuss (rum chocolate with nuts and raisins)
Marzipan (dark chocolate with marzipan filling)
Erdbeer Joghurt (milk chocolate with strawberry yogurt filling)
Edel-Bitter (dark chocolate - 71%)
Nugat (milk chocolate with nougat filling)
Vollmilch (whole milk milk chocoate)
Aplenmilch (milk chocolate made with milk from the Alps?)
Pfefferminz (dark chocolate with peppermint filling)
Dunkle Vollmilch (dark and milk chocolate)
Ganze Mandel (milk chocolate with almonds)
a la Mousse au Chocolat (dark chocolate with mousse filling)
Cocos (milk chocolate with coconut filling)
Joghurt (milk chocolate with plain yogurt filling)
Plus, there's the Frühlingssorten (the Spring assortment), which we're going to have to buy on our own.
Marc de Champagne Trüffel (champagne truffle)
Eierlikör Trüffel (egg nog truffle)
Ramazzoti Trüffel (Ramazzoti truffle)
And then there's the Diät (diet, of course) flavors, which we'll reluctantly try, and sneer at because if we were into this half-hearted lightweight low impact diet bullshit we probably wouldn't be doing this whole shindig in the first place.
Diät Vollmilch (milk chocolate)
Diät Nugat (milk chocolate with nougat)
Diät Joghurt (milk chocolate with plain yogurt)
Diät Halbbiter (dark chocolate)
Last but not least is the Bio selection. This is a recent addition to the Ritter Sport selection. "Bio" is German for organic and fair trade, so these are the Earth-friendly Ritter Sports, I suppose. Curiously, the bars are smaller (65g instead of 100g), and even curiously-er, Shelley seems to think that the Bio bars and the Diät bars are the same. Not so! New group. And here they are:
Mandelsplitter (milk chocolate and almonds)
Vollmilch (whole milk)
Trauben Cashew (still don't know)
Feinherb (dark chocolate)
So that's it for now! I look forward to posting a fresh new Ritter Sport review soon. Delicious!
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